Well, the lies continue to build up. This afternoon I was told by hospital security at IU that they were told by their legal department that there is a new health care power of attorney signed by Linda giving Debbie sole power and excluding me, and that they will no longer communicate with me in any way. Yesterday, Debbie told Chuck that the only document she has is the same one she has had in her purse all along naming us both. Someone is lying. I asked the hospital to fax me a copy of the alleged new document, and I have received nothing from them. At this point I tend to believe that it is Debbie that is telling the truth, and that the hospital continues to make things up just to stall the day when Linda comes home and tells me all the horrible things they have done to her since they threw me out.
Anyway, if Debbie is telling the truth to Chuck, and she is giving Linda copies of all these E-mails, at least Linda will know what is going on, and that I still love her and am fighting for her as best as I can. I guess they are never going to let me talk to her again until she gets well and walks out of there on her own two feet. I only hope she is seeing these letters and knows I want her back in my life and for me to be back in hers. I know how lonely this forced separation is making me, and it must be even worse for her, if she still loves me, since she is the one who is sick and in pain.
Today the social worker Nancy told Richard that Linda is back on the ventilator and unable to speak. I think Chuck plans to go down there and visit Linda over the weekend, but I’m not sure. I hope he can get Linda to answer the four questions I sent along with him, so I know what the future holds for us. If Linda tells me she wants me out of her life, I guess I will just have to start making plans to go on without her, but that is sure not what I want for us. I want her to get well and come home and go on as we were before her transplant, even if that means I stay home to care for her for the rest of her life. That would be better for me than living without her.
Nancy told Richard they were going to do another bronchoscopy on Linda today, probably to try lung lavage to seeing whether they can suck out any of the built up mucous which keeps causing her lung to collapse so fluid can build up in her chest cavity. Every time Linda goes through this cycle of being off and back on the ventilator the risk increases that she will become dependent on the vent for the rest of her life. I hope that doesn’t happen, but if she has to come home on a ventilator, I will be here to care for her forever unless she tells me to get out of her life. I’m never ever going to believe that is what she wants until I hear it from her.
I can’t give enough thanks to Chuck and Richard for everything they are doing to help us get through this. I can’t give enough thanks to the rest of you who listen to the tale of woe and pass along your encouragement for me to keep fighting for the one I love best of all. Debbie tells Chuck Linda is getting physical therapy three times every day, and is making progress, though I don’t know how much progress she can be making if she is on and then off the ventilator a couple times every week. It’s hard to build up your strength when you can’t breathe. No one will tell me what Linda’s situation is with nutrition and weight gain or loss, or how she has been affected by the repeated infections that she suffered in that awful place. Every time she seems to be improving, something else goes wrong. It’s just not fair.
Our friend the respiratory therapist is still suspended for handing my e-mail to Linda, though I don’t understand how the hospital can do that since there was no order in place for her to violate when she did it, and Linda did ask for the letter from her. I guess it’s just part of their plan to cut off all communication between me and Linda no matter who gets hurt in the process or how many lies they have to tell to keep us apart. How people like that can even call themselves professionals is astonishing to me. I can’t imagine how anyone could think such lying and conniving can be helpful to a sick, hurting, lonely woman who needs all the emotional support and love she can get if she is ever going to recover from all the harm they have done to her.
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